Whole

How could I have been so fooled?

To think there are two sides of you, a yin and a yang,

And only yin truly loves me, while yang vies for my destruction.

I kept yang from my family, from my friends—

Because for some reason, I believed that yin was much more vast.

And now I realize that yin is just a half,

Of who you truly are.

Loving you is like a late night cocaine and cigarette binge.

I hate cocaine and cigarettes.

They say it’s supposed to satisfy you– that first drag on a menthol after a stressful shift. The numbing feeling in your mouth when you rub the powder on your gums.

But cigarettes don’t taste good to me. I guess I just need something to smoke. I guess I just need something to do with my hands.

And cocaine doesn’t make me feel alive. It just makes me feel normal. Numb. Nothing.

Why did I spend $50 just to feel normal?

I should have just gone to bed.